The English Language

There has been some comment in the newspapers, recently, about the poor spelling of many people who have passed through our education system. Teachers who cannot spell have also been in the limelight. As a one time school governor, way back in the mid 1980’s I know even then it gave cause for concern! But far be it from me to cast aspersions – I generally can spell accurately – but having done one little newspaper test only got 8/10!

But rooting through a box of papers recently I came across this little gem by U.N.Known.

Why English Is So Hard.

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox should be oxen not oxes.

Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,

But the plural of house is houses not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

The cow in the plural may be cows or hine

But the plural of vow is vows not vine.

And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,

But I give you a boot – would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

If the singular is this and the plural is these,

Should the plural of hiss be nicknamed hese?

Then one may be that, and these may be those,

Yet the plural of hat would never be hose.

We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine, she, she’s and shim!

So our English, I think you will agree

Is the hardest language you ever did see.