Monday, 16 March 2009
Friday, 6 February 2009
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT


Tuesday, 27 January 2009
TWO TIMING

Hi, Scamp here.
Monday, 12 January 2009
I always thought I had been born on a Thursday. (Thursdays child has far to go…), so it was something of a shock, a great bomb blast to my psyche, my very being, to discover that Mother was wrong. How could Mother be wrong on such an important matter as the day of my birth? If she was wrong on that, what else could she have been wrong about? For sixty four years I have been living a lie, living under a misapprehension. Perhaps I better sign up immediately for therapy. You see I have just discovered that I was born on a Friday (Fridays child is loving and giving….), which would of course explain why I never got very far in life. Oh dear. Oh very dear!
It was all part of some research into early life, family trees and all that jazz. I also discovered that I was born in the year of the Monkey. I got this from one website:
Monkeys are fun and loving persons who are always cheerful and energetic. They are very clever. Give a monkey a boring book to read and he'll turn it into a Musical. Better yet, he'll invite everyone to see it free! That's how talented, creative and generous monkeys usually are.
If you go to a party, you'll find Monkeys at the center of attention. Their charm and humour is the key to their popularity.
Most Monkeys have one fetish - FOOD. They are not pigs, they don't stuff themselves with food, instead, they just have this habit of eating snacks whenever they like, and wherever they like. And one last truth about monkey people is, they adore bananas. Go visit your monkey friend's kitchen, I bet you will find some bananas there
The only bit I recognize is the bit about bananas – spot on, the rest is completely not me!
Another website about Capricorns had this to say The wit and flippancy which is characteristic of certain Capricornians may make some turn to entertainment as a career. Perhaps that is why I became a priest…. It said a great deal about Capricornians being subject to rickets and deafness. Pardon? I didn’t quite hear that.
It is just as well I do not believe in astrology (but I have been known to read my horoscope just in case….) And to be serious for just one moment, when I read a huge amount of verbiage about what I should be like, it proved to me how much more important nurture and nature are than the influence of stars millions of miles away (which could already have ceased to exist because the light from those stars started the journey to my eye sight long before I was even born!)
Christopher Elliott
Monday, 29 December 2008

Hi Scamp here. Phew! Yesterday turned out to be a day and a half. First of all my humanoid took me for a walk as he usually does. He released me (he thinks he sees more birds if I am not on the lead), and there I was furgling in the bushes smelling rabbits and all sorts, and then whoosh! out of the blue, there she was! My first and only true love, Ruby! She had been taken away by her humanoid, and gosh I did miss her. So we had a bit of a set too, as we always do, she boxed my ears, I chewed hers, she then turned me on my back and pounced on me before running off in a big circle, but I am nearly as fast as she is and when she turned to face me I caught up with her and we had an other spat. So finally, when I was wet and muddy the humanoids stopped talking, so I said "see you" to Ruby, had a biscuit, and walked on and home for breakfast.
Saturday, 27 December 2008
And a Happy New Year!
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Christmas Eve
hedgerow. There's me crowing (and there are plenty of crows around here) about the odd one or two we see hereabouts and dear old Bill gets to see a whole plague of them! C'est la vie! So Scamp took me for a walk this afternoon - nearly did my gammy ankle in - we walked miles and did we see anything? Just crows, magpies and pigeons of which there is a veritable plague - there have been hundreds (I mean hundreds) roosting in the trees here feedi
ng of the fields - hence the recent multiplication of scarecrows and bird scarers.Sunday, 21 December 2008
The Shortest Day of the Year

Saturday, 20 December 2008
Christmas!
Christmas! Love it or hate it it comes round relentlessly and it is difficult not to get caught up in all the hype, overspending and overindulging!When I was a working priest I came to hate the Christmas season which generally began in about the first week of December. I remember, for many years, having to conduct a carol service for the Brownies on about the first monday in December. Invariably I had a filthy cold (man-flu of course!), felt pretty lousy, the church was feeezing cold, and the Brownies doing the readings and prayers inaudible, despite microphones! This was followed in quick succession by a series of Christmas lunches, dinners or parties for the various groups within the parish who always expected the parish priest to turn up and felt slighted if you were double booked. So by the time Christmas actually arrived this particular parish priest was dead on his feet, far too full of Christmas dinners and had sung "O Little town of Bethlehem" about 20
times, and as for having something fresh to say (off the cuff!) for each and every group required rather more preparation that time allowed. Because believe it not, the other every day work of the parish priest went on - and that generally included a increased number of funerals as some of the elderly very inconveniently would die in the run up to Christmas, and their beloved relatives always wanted the funeral done before Christmas (so that they could still go off ski-ing), so alongside the crib service, the Midnight mass, and trying to visit the ladies decorating the church for Christmas, often on Christmas Eve would had a 40 mile round trip to the crematorium.So on Christmas Day after church, this particular parish priest would fall asleep very quickly, and by about 8.00 in the evening would give up the struggle and go to bed!
I rather wish I had been a purist and refused absolutely all invitations to Christmas events on the ground that December is the season of Advent - the time of preparation for the great event of Christmas - the coming of Christ in the event of the Incarnation: no carols to be sung until Christmas Eve, and the carol service to be help on the Sunday AFTER Christmas. The one year I did try that- there was great murmuring against the parish priest and a noticeable lack of people attending. You see how we have turned everything on its head and now celebrate before the day. We have lost the great anticipation of Advent. So when we try to keep the 12 days of Christmas - right up to January 5th, most people have had too much and have given up by Boxing Day.

Friday, 12 December 2008
THE PANTOMIME SEASON
It reminded me of the times when we used to go with our kids to the Panto at the Mercury Theatre in Colchester: being theatre chaplain did give me some benefits! It was always a good family entertainment from a regular crew of actors who were there year by year, but ever fresh.
For a few years we introduced a "Pantomime Carol Service" when the cast would come and sing carols interspersed with readings, biblical and secular. Interestingly the cast would not appear on stage "in character" as it was regarded as bad luck, but they came and were very supportive - I am quite sure it had nothing to do with the splendid buffet lunch that the theatre provided for them afterwards - before the matinee! But, for me, it was where Christmas started because there was a exceptionally high standard of reading, singing, and enjoyment, and after the first year or two, as word spread, the theatre would be full of people who came from local churches, or shoppers who were lured in for a break from the Christmas rush.
I met some lovely people in that time and was privileged to minister to people who worked in a transient occupation and who suffered the same stresses and strains as the rest of us - and often more of them because of the pressure of the job. I conducted weddings, baptisms and funerals for some of the theatre population and did a fair amount of listening at moments of high stress. So the Panto season brings more than simple enjoyment - but also many happy memories!
Saturday, 29 November 2008

I think he said it was Aunty's Biotics. Which Aunty is that? Whats a biotic when it is at home? This dog-doctor then gave instructions about what I could and could not eat - it seems to be next to nothing, but at least it is 3-4 times a day rather than once, and they do keep feeing my chicken and rice: rice is so boring, when you are young and lusty like me you want real food - lots of steak and potato, lots of fatty foods. But no - a non-fat diet. I ask you, its not very good for your street cred: and I've lost so much weight - I'm fair fading away. Here's a picture of me feeling right poorly. What a sorry sight I am. The dog doctor said that I have got pancreatitis for which there is no medicine or tablets, just careful eating which is so boring! Friday, 21 November 2008
a.) promote the Christian Faith, and
b.) interest people, and
c. )amuse.
But if you log on regularly both to this and that we might entertain, keep me, as a 64 year old retiree parson, off the streets, and also from getting ready for the bath chair, which I dread! One of my son jokes regularly that, when when have been here a couple of years we are off to the old folks home and he will cash in. (Little does he know about all that I have left in store for him!!!!) AND what he doesn't know, is that by the time it gets to that point, we shall have taken ourselves off to Beachy Head with the idea of jumping together because neither of us fancy the other options. The problem is, we shall get to Beachy Head (and what a lovely place it is!) and forget why we went there in the first place: we shall have an ice cream, a bit of lunch, and say: "What a nice day we have had - shall we go home now?"
Actually, jumping off Beach Head is a ghastly idea. What do you think about when you fly through the air with the greatest of ease with the thought of hitting the ground and being so ....
As a Christian I have never seriously contemplated suicide - there have been odd occasions in deep depressions (oh yes) when the thought has flashed through one's mind - but seriously contemplating it? No. Life is too precious - a gift of God - and I do not think I could ever take that step. But then I have never had a debilitating or terminal illness which threaten to remove all life forces, choices and abilities.
Gosh, serious stuff for a friday night!!
Yesterday I went down to London for a hospital appointment. Once that was over I went on to The National Gallery. It must be 40 years since I last went there, but it was as magnificent as ever. I went to renew my acquaintance with the Impressionists, but also to look at the Titian that need £50,000,000 to keep it there. I went, I looked, I loved the colours, I loved the vibrancy, but being a philistine, I found the subject matter completely unmoved me. I came away saddened that anyone would even thing that any painting is worth that amount of money. I went back to Turner, to Van Gogh, to Manet, Monet and all the others, and had a very peaceful hour and a half. But fifty million pounds for one picture? No way. When the country is going through such difficult times with finance, murdered children, struggling schools and an NHS which cannot afford drugs for very ill patients(unless you luckily live in the right postal area), then surely we have our priorities wrong.
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
TURKEY - A PILGRIMAGE IN SEARCH OF ST PAUL
FOLLOWING
No journey to
our guide Sait – who was my guide on a previous visit and who was to be with us throughout our two weeks in
So, here in Istanbul (Constantinopolis, as Sait calls it) in a couple of days one can cram in visits to the Hippodrome, the Blue Mosque, and the Hagia Sophia (“Divine Wisdom”), once a Basilica, then a Mosque and now a museum. Include a visit to the Justinian Ciserns – underground – once featured in a James Bond film, and lunch at the
now a museum. All that before lunch! Then there is then time to get on a boat and travel the Bosphorus stopping off for a wonderful repast at the Mer Restaurant in Tarabya.
The next morning an early flight took the party to
e supper.
The next day was spent at the
next couple of days were to see some stunning paintings and mosaics.
In the afternoon an energetic few climbed the Kale – a rocky outcrop which gave stunning views. We also stopped at an underground city – Kaymakli which many found a little claustraphobic – but it was about the coolest place on an otherwise roasting day!
Then next morning most of us were up by
5 a.m. for a balloon ride over
too quickly! But then it was back to the hotel for breakfast before setting off for the full day's programme, which included a visit to the Sultan Hani Caravanseri -excellently restored – and built like a cathedral. One could imagine when it was filled to the brim with travellers, animals, traders and full ofsmoke, noise, bartering and bustle!
We continued on our journey southwest, coming to Iconium (modern day
unity to borrow the local Catholic Church and celebrate the Holy Communion and reflect on the extraordinary tenacity of Paul and Barnabas who travelled so far on foot for the cause of the gospel. Hot, dusty, dry, but we travelled by modern air conditioned coach. Pilgrims are no longer so hardy!
The next couple of days included some amazing places visiting sites that Paul and Barnabas went to spread the gospel – 
And so we began the second week, by coming to Finike marina where where embarked on a gulet for 7 days cruising along the south coast of
Our gulet, Sultan A, was a most wonderful traditionally built craft with 8 twin en-suite cabins, and a crew of 3-4 to sail her and cook. It was a week of unparalleled luxury with some most wonderful dishes served for breakfast lunch and dinner all taken on the rear deck – under the cover of the awning, looking at some of the most spectactular views ever seen on the
group of 14 people. Most sea going journeys were under motor power: sadly everytime the crew put up the sails the wind died away completely – it was one of those weeks. But a gulet under sail is quite an experience!Next time ---I promise!
Each day we would move on to a new place, journeying for 2-4 hours, leaving plenty of time to visit places on interest, and then relax, swim, sleep, read drink tea or have a glass of wine.
After a night on board we came to
ere there are some magnificent Lycian tombs.
as was Bishop in the 4th century. In Myra there is a marvellous basilica which is a focus of pilgrimage for Russian Christians, and in the town there are 2statues – one the more traditional and the other
the more popular image of today. But I think I also like this one because she refused to move
until the picture had been taken!
I think she is Russian!
Our nights were often spent moored in one of the many rocky inlets along the coast, so it was always peaceful, and there was the opportunity to swim, or go ashore and walk. But being Sunday we celebrated Holy Communion and reflected on Paul, Nicholas and how blessed we were to be able to experience these lovely places.
The next few days were spent moving along the coast visiting the sunken city of Kekova, a Byzantine city, now submerged, to Kalekoy where the small hamlet climbs steeply to
the top, and where we were persuaded to purchase items made by the local women who were indefatig
able in accompanying us to the top of the island
and back again, filling in the bits and pieces of history that even escaped our guide, Sait! We came to Kas where we stayed overnight in the little port. One afternoon, after a morning cruising along the coast we disembarked and boarded a minibus to take us into the heart of Lycia – to Xanthos and the Roman theatre and Byzantine citadel, and then to Patara, the birthplace of St Nicholas, and visited by St Paul on his thirds missionary journey.
Then next day we visited the
We spent the last day cruising then into the harbour at Gocek for some last minute shopping and a real burst of reality as this busy little port was hosting a pop concert in the main square which kept the town and all its visitors awake until the wee small hours, when it was all too soon tim
e for the transfer to the airport for the journey home.
Why go on a pilgrimage? Ask the people who come on them! For some it brings the Christian faith alive: for others it is a life changing experience: for many it is the chance to have an unforgettable holiday in a Christian atmosphere enjoying some of the wonderful places of our world.
Turkey is a most wonderful land, full of lovely people. But there is a hint of sadness when one sees many ancient ruined churches and a tiny Christian presence. Did St Paul labour in vain?
Christopher Elliott
Monday, 3 November 2008
The English Language
There has been some comment in the newspapers, recently, about the poor spelling of many people who have passed through our education system. Teachers who cannot spell have also been in the limelight. As a one time school governor, way back in the mid 1980’s I know even then it gave cause for concern! But far be it from me to cast aspersions – I generally can spell accurately – but having done one little newspaper test only got 8/10!
But rooting through a box of papers recently I came across this little gem by U.N.Known.
Why English Is So Hard.
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox should be oxen not oxes.
Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,
But the plural of house is houses not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or hine
But the plural of vow is vows not vine.
And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,
But I give you a boot – would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
If the singular is this and the plural is these,
Should the plural of hiss be nicknamed hese?
Then one may be that, and these may be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose.
We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine, she, she’s and shim!
So our English, I think you will agree
Is the hardest language you ever did see.






























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